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Important
Decisions
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"It’s
so hard to make decisions for others. We were lucky that
Daddy talked to us and put his wishes down on paper. When
the time came, we knew exactly what he wanted. We were
spared all the doubts my friends have gone through. Daddy
really took care of us by planning ahead."
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Death and dying are not topics
we talk about easily in our culture. As a general rule, in fact,
we avoid them, almost as if to talk about them would bring on
a premature demise. As a result, many families are unaware of
their loved one’s wishes at the end of life and are faced
with making difficult decisions. This can lead to family discord
and can make a trying situation even harder than it already
is.
Sheila’s father, Richard,
showed caring and foresight in planning ahead. He thought about
what "quality of life"
meant to him. Reflecting on what made life worth living helped
him to make decisions about life support issues. (It also helped
Richard and his family maximize the things that gave him pleasure!)
After clarifying his own values, Richard was able to write an
advance directive, a document that stated his wishes concerning
health care decisions
in case he was unable to speak for himself. He talked with his
family about his wishes and asked his eldest son to be his health
care representative if a situation came up that was not covered
in the advance directive. By planning ahead, Richard was able
to lay the groundwork for things to unfold the way he would
have wanted them to.
In addition to health care planning,
Richard took steps to plan his
finances. When he began to have difficulty getting
to the bank, he gave his daughter Sheila "durable power
of attorney." He was able to continue making financial
decisions on his own, but this simple document legally allowed
Sheila to step in and handle his affairs during those times
when he was too ill to do so himself. Richard prepared documents
stating his wishes for how his belongings were to be distributed.
He was also mindful of the fact that medical expenses could
eat up the resources he did have and leave very little for his
wife to live on afterward. With some planning, Richard was able
to protect his assets and safeguard his wife’s security.
Not all patients are able to make
these kinds of decisions ahead of time. Many need help from
family members who can assure the patient that it’s okay
to talk about these things and, in fact, would be helpful for
the family if they were discussed. Ideally, all of us adults
would have documents stating our desires for the distribution
of our belongings and the handling of our medical care at the
end of life. After all, any one of us could get in an accident
tomorrow! These decisions especially need to be made when a
serious illness has been diagnosed, and the sooner the better
while the patient still has the ability to think and communicate
clearly. To help you, we have tips
to start the conversation about planning. Although
it can be awkward at first, families who do have these discussions
fare a lot better emotionally at the end, not having to guess
and knowing they are doing what their loved one wanted them
to do. |
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This website was created by the Grand
Island Coalition for End of Life Care, a community organization dedicated
to improving end of life care through education, advocacy and support. We
gratefully acknowledge the generosity of KDSI for
their donation of webhosting services. Site design and layout created by Let's
Collaborate! |
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